selandroid

NEW BLOG ADDRESS

2006-07-18T14:21:00.000-04:00

so, you want to read the new post? go here. bookmark it.

2006-06-20T10:31:00.000-04:00

i have returned from my self-imposed exile! and the people all rejoice. d.

friday night was the opening of AVA's juried photo exhibit, and getting to see my entry on the wall with the rest of the excellent pieces was actually less thrilling than i thought it would be, maybe because so much time passed between when i was accepted and the actual exhibit. but in any case, i had a great time talking with the juror, some of the other artists, and some of you folks who stopped by before i ditched the party.

so the real reason i'm posting: john piper has responded to steve chalke's "the cross is cosmic child abuse" atonement rhetoric. please read his article.

aralynn

2006-05-24T17:03:00.000-04:00

this made me laugh and feel warm

2006-05-16T09:51:00.000-04:00

from my niece (amy's niece, but she shares) laura, who's about 3. she dictated it.

"Dear Mark, Your a very special. I love you. I made a letter for you. I can. I do. I love cause joy ferb Mark jerb lull lollipop deeee end. Love Laura. gerg, gerg, gerg."

[she's the one on the far right]

fotografía

2006-05-15T21:00:00.000-04:00

remember this picture? well, it's the one i just got a letter from AVA about. they told me it was chosen to be part of their exhibit starting june 17th or so! that makes me an artiste.

i'm sitting out on the balcony right now, looking at the sunset to the west, the hills to the north, and my beautiful wife to the southwest. such beauty is not to be taken for granted but i see it every day. that makes me blessed.

something funny i heard today: "look at all the wobbly people."

listening to: a bird that has built a nest just below our balcony, to the accompaniment of the traffic on 27.

feeling like: drinking a good chai latte or a macchiato.

opinions?

2006-05-08T15:32:00.000-04:00

a few posts back, i mentioned that we're kicking the midwife idea to the curb. the main reason is one that we discussed after i posted. we were feeling like something "wasn't right" and i think that i put my finger on it when i thought about the religious beliefs of the midwives. one's non-religious, one's baha'i, and one's messing around with wicca.

here's the question. would you knowingly allow someone who may be involved in demonic activity to be present at the birth of your child? or even better - would you allow that person to assist in the birthing process?

we've made our decision, based on the sacredness of the event and our own consciences, but i'm really curious to see how y'all would approach the debate. please do comment.

spring 2

2006-05-05T17:42:00.000-04:00

etc.

2006-05-03T17:10:00.000-04:00

both amy and i have been thinking about the same thing recently, and last night we found out when i broached the subject. we're done with the midwife experiment, for the simple reason that she's not giving amy the kind of attention that we feel is warranted by the amount of money she's charging. there are peripheral reasons, of course.

amy's maternity coverage is going to kick in after june 1st and we shouldn't have to see a doctor for anything beyond an office visit between now and then. and if something does come up, what would a midwife be able to do anyways? emergencies need emergency rooms.
we're finding that it's more of a burden financially to scrape together the sum due the midwife each month than it would be to pay the hospital for whatever the coverage doesn't pay for after the birth. we'll continue saving as much money as possible (i'm on a ration of beans and water, and amy keeps a candle nearby to light when that diet comes back to bite me), and use that stockpile to pay as many of the medical bills off as we can as soon as we get them. anything beyond our stockpile will be alright, as long as we demonstrate to the hospital that we intend to finish paying them by making that first payment a large one.
the midwife is 2 hours away from us.

so we talked about that last night, and both of us feel better about our financial state now. especially in light of what happened to our car on friday night.

to make a long story short, we broke a bolt holding the right front brake caliper to the spindle (by stopping really fast and hard because of a cell-phone-holding blonde highlight-wearing other-way-looking powder-blue-vw bug-driving DOLT WHO TURNED RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!!) and the spindle had to be replaced because it was rusted to the broken bolt. but we just heard from the mechanic, and we're picking it up today.

honestly, i harbor no bitterness toward the woman who made the ignorant traffic maneuver that put that car in that position, because the Lord is good and has provided us with a car to borrow and people who care about helping more than any other church i've been part of. and because harboring bitterness toward her would be a sin. but you know what i mean. i think.

does it sound like i'm complaining? i'm not, really i'm not. i'm just recounting events and changes in direction so you have a clue. to recap: we are not going to have a home birth anymore, and our car broke and is being fixed.

oh, and i used the b/w mt. rainier picture and the grass picture together as my entry into a juried photo exhibition at AVA (association for visual artists). i'll know by the 12th if i'm selected as one of the exhibitors.

help! which one's better?

2006-04-28T17:20:00.000-04:00

this one . . .

or this one?

comments and critiques of this one . . .

would be appreciated as well.

thanks!!!

there is a baby girl growing in amy

2006-04-27T12:01:00.000-04:00

and we are thrilled!
note the word "face." she looks quite alien.

please, please no pink.

spring

2006-04-26T17:00:00.000-04:00

osaka, japan - june 10th, 2003

2006-04-25T10:54:00.000-04:00

My roommates came home tonight with a bottle of vodka. They opened it, along with a few bottles of lemon water, and between the two of them drank the whole thing. They had a good time talking over it, as I sat on the couch within earshot. Their attitude was relaxed and their tongues were free as they reminisced about their good times back in New Zealand.

They were not joyous, nor were they happy. Perhaps they were enjoying themselves. In fact, I do not doubt that they were. But the spirit that moved them was liquid and not of the supernatural.

Where is the joy in letting yourself go aimlessly? I do not see how there can be joy apart from purpose. Chaos has a tendency to heighten the senses and confuse them at the same time, and such mental storms do not lend themselves to focused realization of bliss.

Perhaps this is just me saying “my joy is better than your joy.” Take it for what you see it to be, whether you agree with my perception of true joy or not. I only want agreement on one point: apart from the Lord Jesus Christ, we can not know or even dream of true joy – joy in communion with the eternal, with our fellow everlasting creatures and with the place in which we live and its creatures.

I thrill when I see intricate design, the Lord’s handiwork in this otherwise dull city. Human expansion has blotted out the horizon and hazed the sky, covered the ground and knocked down the trees in this place. All is engineered intelligently, but not joyously. That is just my feeling when I look around me to see my surroundings. But when I see even so much as a patch of grass I know that within that patch each blade is unique and beautiful. And each tree is special to me, because of the rarity of such growth on these streets.

And then, thinking about God’s work, I rejoice. I feel the rain and I rejoice. I face the wind everyone seems so eager to get out of, and my life suddenly seems more real. I feel. I see. Praise the Creator.

In this joy, I feel I am not alone.

personal skittishness

2006-04-19T11:40:00.000-04:00

we have a dog who is generally scared of new people. if not scared, she's ultra-cautious and skittish. i've taken to calling her "skitterbug."

i'm like her sometimes, especially when i'm going through life situations that have never happened to me before.

like a home birth, which i am assured is perfectly safe and very few birthing mothers experience complications leading to hospitalization.

don't get me wrong . . . this is what amy wants and i'm completely in agreement. but she's my only amy, and i feel protective. or, perhaps it's a control issue and i haven't completely unburdened myself to God.

forebodings

2006-03-31T17:04:00.000-05:00

our public reception as members at church is happening on sunday night. woo hoo! we're happy about being there, because the word is preached, the people are fellowshipped, and they have real wine for communion.

oh, and there's a slew of kids running around all over the place, and babies and pregnant women too. more babies means more friends for our son/daughter. if we have a girl, more young men for me to be suspicious of in 15 years or so. darn teenage boys.

they'd better stay away from my daughter or i'll stab them with my cello.

the health-care provider options are endless!!!

2006-03-29T17:07:00.000-05:00

this pregnancy has been interesting. first, we were concerned because amy's maternity coverage doesn't start until june (10 months after we bought the coverage) in order to prevent abuse of the system. so we just thought that we'd eat whatever costs were incurred in the first few months here. we got an appointment with a certified nurse-midwife and that, along with the blood tests that were necessary, produced a large invoice.

upon further review, amy decided that she would be much more comfortable with an "actual" midwife, one who doesn't work out of a hospital and is more open to natural remedies like seaweed to stop bleeding, etc.

we did some calculations (ok, amy did some calculations) and found that the midwife's fee and all accompanying costs will end up costing us less in the end than a hospital birth, even after taking insurance into account. so we're running with that now and the first appointment with the midwife is on tuesday morning.

which leads me to wonder why we're paying for maternity coverage. i guess it's good in case there are complications that make hospitalization necessary.

on an unrelated subject, i wrote a large account today and i am happy.

back to the previous subject, we have decided to find out what variety of child amy is bearing when it's possible to find out such things. stay posted. in great expectation. because the news could strike at any moment.

mwaahaha.

disasterlikenesses

2006-03-20T15:06:00.000-05:00

after the katrina tragedy, the word "disaster" just doesn't seem like it can apply to anything that goes bad anymore, unless it goes bad on an equal or greater scale.

so i'll just use "wreck" to describe how the prelude from bach's first suite for unaccompanied cello went on saturday. thank goodness it was during the postlude and people were talking. the vocalise wasn't really my problem, it seems. my problem was playing the right notes at the right times during the bach piece.

i'm glad you weren't there. if you were, please pretend you didn't hear it so i can still be able to face you in polite company..

in any case, the wedding was nice. and the dog didn't kill herself (or anyone else) out of fear while she was at the in-laws' place. she merely growled at just about anyone who approached her, and jumped at any sound.

another cload

2006-03-20T10:35:00.000-05:00

i'm a nunkle again! there's a girl who weighs 6.5 pounds and she came into the world at 7:45 this morning, and she doesn't have a name yet. she's the second child of amy's brother & sister-in-law.

miscellanea

2006-03-17T16:01:00.000-05:00

this'll be interesting . . . we have a dog who is frightened of new things, and we're about to get in a car and take her 6 hours away to live in the in-laws' house for the weekend.

she was scared of my travel chellow case when i brought it out, just because she'd never seen it before and it's big and white.

this does not bode well.

on another note, the vocalise and i are now on speaking terms and will get along just fine tomorrow.

dumb "e"s

2006-03-16T22:36:00.000-05:00

ok, so i asked my musical genius friend to send me a "vocalise for dummies" since the one he sent me first was half in treble clef, and i have trouble enough reading treble if it's not completely populated by accidentals, and this is what he sent me.

fortunately, he included music an octave lower and in bass clef.

I HATE ACCIDENTALS!!!

2006-03-15T14:58:00.000-05:00

if you were to leave the "al" out of the end of "accidentals", the word would better reflect what they mean to me. grr.

especially in rachmaninov's vocalise. the counter-melody and i don't get along.

2006-03-14T12:10:00.000-05:00

her name is cady (translation: 'happiness of a shepherdess' from old english). she's a mutt, we suppose. we think she has some boxer in her, because of the coloring and some other characteristics, and there may be some beagle in there too. here's one . . . boxer/australian shepherd mixed mother, beagle father. hmm.

we rescued her from the humane society on wednesday the 8th (and from the name 'thumbalina' - poor dog). she's 2 years old.

amy's at work, so cady's at home right now with no one watching her and the house to rampage through should she desire, but based on our experience with her the past few days, she'll probably content herself with waiting for us so she can jump all over us when we come home. she's a good dog.

**edit**

well, she was indeed waiting to jump all over us, but with couch cushion fluff lying on the floor around her as she waited. she must have been bored or something.

baby fee: $0

2006-02-17T22:22:00.000-05:00

after more than a week of not posting, it's starting to feel like time to start up again. just read my last post; you have to admit that i've got good reason to be distracted and busy and preoccupied and tired and . . . yeah.

work's been really busy and good for the past week or so. my friend brian, who i work with/for, was here from monday until thursday, and i totally wouldn't mind if you kept praying that all would go well with my company. there are still concerns and it's more a question of whether or not the company will go away than whether or not i'll lose my job. God is in control, so rock on and keep praying.

so we're sitting here on the couch watching the olympics and amy's feeling pretty nauseous. she's only thrown up once, and i think that was towards the beginning of when she started having morning sickness, but it's more like "every-waking-hour sickness." who cares if you don't throw up when you're always feeling like you should be kneeling in front of a toilet?

we've got it good. not only are we in a good place during a good time of our lives, but we don't even have to pay a pet fee to have a kid! those apartment people have no idea, but we're pulling the wool over their eyes with this one. get a dog? nah. have a baby. they don't shed.

news

2006-02-08T15:36:00.000-05:00

AMY IS PREGNANT!!!

there's always a first time

2006-02-07T17:39:00.000-05:00

did anyone else have an elder of your in-law's church pray over you and anoint you with oil this weekend?

i didn't think so.

really, it was an interesting experience. i'm not sure what to say about it, besides that i don't want to analyze it too much. there was a part of the service dedicated to praying for those who wanted prayer, and all the elders were ranged around the outskirts of the auditorium to do the praying. part of me immediately felt compelled to go to one of them, and the part that leans toward analysis told me not to because "it probably won't work, anyways."

i definitely needed prayer, because my epilepsy had been acting up towards the end of the week, to the tune of 3 seizures a day. not typical, and not recommended at all if one is to maintain a normal lifestyle.

this was not a "wacko" church, by the way (translation: unbiblical). and the part of me that needed to be prayed for (and believes that the prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much) recognized that, and i was prayed for alongside my wife. we were anointed with oil and the elder cried as he prayed with all his heart that God would heal me.

he believed that his prayer would be answered. i believed it as well, and no matter what happens to my body, i am healed. i am healed in the sense that i have a great peace that God is in control and will do with my infirmity what He wishes, to the praise of His Glory. it would be nice if He were to take my epilepsy away, but i know that He is good and the giver of all good things; if i have seizures, they are His gifts to me for reasons beyond my comprehension.

that is the full extent of my analysis, and i believe that God has strengthened my faith. praise His name.

drivel

2006-02-04T15:53:00.000-05:00

we're in cincinnati right now, staying with amy's folks for the weekend on account of a bridal shower. my father in law and i are planning on doing something during the event, which is a blessed thing; either i would have been doing nothing, or i would have been babysitting.

i am not thinking about anything profound right now, and if i were i wouldn't share it with you. so there.

it's snowing and it looks like 2 inches of the white stuff on the ground. maybe, if we're lucky, we won't be able to leave cincinnati to make it back to work on monday. is it evil of me to hope that?

bye-bye.

promises

2006-02-03T12:22:00.000-05:00

bishop so-and-so on tbn program such-and-such was convincing a whole room full of people that when simeon saw Jesus and recognized him, God was really sending a message to us that we need to be healthy and wealthy and can accomplish this feat simply by believing.

mark was wondering why she stopped reading and started yelling (extra-contextually) about "claiming the promises of God."

mark often forgets to claim the "real" promises of God, like "God will provide a way out of every temptation" and "in this life, you will have trials; but do not fear, for I have overcome the world."

when those who sit in the seat of scoffers seduce me to simply mock the false theology of others rather than to remember what is right and good about the truth of God's word, i have missed something precious.

spiritual vampirism part II

2006-02-01T17:28:00.000-05:00

another rambling pile of words . . .

a few posts ago i wrote that it's not good to be constantly seeking experiential jolts of caffeine in our daily christian living. i've thought some more about it and decided that we can no more do without experience than a musician can do without ears (beethoven excluded, of course).

i am not rescinding my previous call to carry on our pursuit of Christ without using hightened emotions as a crutch; i am instead adding to it. we are vampires of the blood of Christ; we are vampires of experience.

i cannot possibly live without referring to my own experiences in all situations, so i think the argument can be made that we cannot possibly know Christ without experience. "how can they believe unless they have heard?" and how can we know the love of God unless we experience it? i can tell my friend all about how God is love and to be loved by Him is better than hot chocolate and a blanket on a cold night, but until he experiences it himself he won't know any more about it than i'd know what it's like to score the winning touchdown in the super bowl.

a friend of mine and i had a conversation a couple of years ago that ended up with a list of conclusions something like this:

nothing can be completely known apart from experience.
explanation does not take the place of experience.
knowledge comes by the interpretation of experience.
interpretation is never consistent from person to person, since all interpretation is based on past experiences that color the current experience and interpretation.
knowledge is only pure when known originally (by the originator of all things); after it is revealed as truth, the experiences and interpretations of those who seek it twist it.
i cannot fully know anything.

when we came up with all that, we didn't even approach the fact that the Holy Spirit is the one "experience" all believers have in common. it's interesting, though, that even with that ecclesial constant there are so many different interpretations of the bible and life in general.

i have to say that we need experience just as much as we need teaching and study of the word. to qualify my statement, i need to say that i'm talking about the kind of experience you get just by living, and not the kind that you get by revving up the music and singing the same words over and over and over and over again until people are crying and jumping up and down.

like it or not, we are brothers of thomas and must put our hands into the side of the living Christ before we realize His majesty. we might say that we know how wonderful He is, but until the darkened glass is taken away we will not come close to the truth in our estimation of His beauty. as we grow, our "knowledge" of what the Bible teaches, what we have experienced, and the persuasion of the Spirit conspire to give us clearer understanding of the One Truth that all of this "stuff" is based on; we become wiser and less likely to follow after the more distorted knowledge that is presented to us daily.

until that day, brothers, may the Lord give us discernment to seek and find the Truth through His words and our experiences.

ain't no cheese in here!

2006-01-31T17:30:00.000-05:00

it's always an adventure when a certain co-worker comes into my office. i never know what he's going to say or which random direction the conversation will go in about 36 seconds into a topic. yes, it's a.d.d. at it's finest.

in other news, we went to rembrandt's last night because we were going nuts at home. it was sort of like the apartment was a gloom trap and we were being slowly but firmly pushed into the gloom with the giant thumb of despair. the cure for which was, naturally, food (and fresh air, but the food was really what drew us there).

i had a scone and cherry/chocolate coffee. amy had tomato artichoke soup. we went for a walk. we went home. we read the bible. we were much happier.

i love the fact that we constantly need saving. situations like the one we were in last night crop up all around us, and many times they're unavoidable at the start. it's sort of like being a rat trapped in one of those mazes and having nowhere to go but through the maze. the only way out is by the gracious hand of our loving Redeemer, and as He lifts us up and out we can see the extent of the maze we were trapped in, and how small it is next to the world into which He's released us.

grief and hatred -or- what i learned from a concubine

2006-01-28T14:21:00.000-05:00

in our devotions the other night, we read the passage in genesis that concerns lot's rescue from sodom. i started reading about how the angels went down into the city, and when i got to the part where lot unsuccessfully offered his young daughters to the wicked men of the city (to take the place of his male guests, of course) i became very angry. i've never experienced such a reaction to that passage before. i was angry to the point of wishing that lot had been killed in the city's destruction, and i could not read any further; amy had to finish reading from the new testament because i couldn't bear to hear anything that might remind me of the wickedness that so infuriated me.

i admit that i was over-tired. i also know that i read judges recently and the story of the levite whose concubine was killed (in the same manner that lot's daughters would have been) was fresh in my mind. when i read that story, i cried.

i wonder about that. yes, i was angry at the tragedy and sin in judges, but my main reaction was to mourn it. when faced with the same situation a second time, i could not bear to read it and lashed out against the "perpetrator" in anger. i tried to think of it as being righteous anger, but i don't believe for a second that i was sinless in my desire to see lot suffer for the injustice he would have visited upon his very own children. it is a consequence of my own sin nature that my reaction was tainted, but this is what i believe: i saw through the eyes of God when i read those passages, even though my response the second time was twisted into a childish tantrum.

though it is a rare thing that makes me cry, i did just that for the levite's concubine. when God saw her rape and death, i am sure that His response was grief beyond my comprehension. it's incredible to think that He sees every tragic occurrence through history firsthand. i would become a murderer if i were to see such things.

alright, so i'm glad i'm not God. but there is something else i need to point out (partially to save this post from being too depressing, and partially because there's a lesson in this somewhere).

we, the children of God, are called to see life, in faith, from His point of view. we, as creatures of dust, will never achieve His point of view, but we have been given faith. my pastor has been preaching from ecclesiastes on that very topic for the past few weeks, and just now have i seen how it best applies to my life.

the fact that i react in sin (though with the right motives) is a reminder that i can only be right if i trust that God will do His will and that it will be for the best in every case. trust would have prevented me from verbally abusing lot and being guilty of the sin of hating him for his shameful actions. trust did allow me to grieve for the concubine, as was fitting and honoring to God's sovereignty. i would have done well to grieve for lot in the same way.

spiritual vampirism

2006-01-26T18:19:00.000-05:00

here i go rambling again . . .

do you ever get the feeling that there are christians out there who are experience-thirsty? i'm talking about folks who go to conferences because they like they way it feels to be exhorted and encouraged, seeking the sort of spiritual high you just don't get every day from your bible verse calendar. i shouldn't be too cynical or judgemental, but i'm looking at the church and seeing pieces that don't fit in the way Christ set it up. i'm not thinking of a particular person or denomination, but looking at trends that i've seen and the way i myself have felt at times . . . thirsty for a weeping, overflowing feeling of the presence of God.

it's not a novel idea, this criticism of milk-feeders and overly emotional "spiritual experiences." but this is the first time that i've thought to equate searching for a spiritual high and vampirism.

think about it: those afflicted with thirst for blood or for experience need what they seek. both die if deprived - one from thirst and one in a slow, hopeless hardening of the heart.

just so you realize that i am truly not singling anyone out, understand that i felt like a spiritual vampire the other day and i didn't like it. but i wanted to FEEL like i was on fire for God. the only thing that kept me from going for the motivational side of christian literature was my aversion to false hope and the scraps of self-idolization that i could see in my desire for spiritual fire. i can know for a fact that if i am affected in this way others are as well, no matter what denominational allegiance they have.

bloodsuckers all, we christians.

so now. we seek a more dynamic life. but it seems that we're the wrong sort of vampires. we're trying to drink blood that doesn't nourish us, but merely provides a jolt of adrenaline, makes our hearts beat faster for a little while.

true knowledge is this: our life is in the blood of Christ. are we then truly vampires? do we need blood to live? yes! we consume His blood, not in a morbid lusting sort of way, but in an act of worshipful gratitude for His gift to us! rather than licking the sap that drips from the tree of self-satisfaction, we christians should be satisfied to follow in His steps with our crosses on our backs, knowing that sin and death dare not touch us; we obey, as we are told to, and true joy does not require an emotional high.

through the eyes of a child

2006-01-25T17:10:00.000-05:00

i remember a childhood event that happened often enough to cement itself in my memory. not like groundhog day or anything like that - where the same day repeats over and over again - but more like an example of good parenting.

the formula for that day was like clockwork. i have no idea how often it happened, because i was always so caught up in the moment that i never noted dates or repetitions. the day usually started with my sister and i either doing our schoolwork, or chores, or something like that, and then my dad would come home from work and he and my mom would stand close to each other talking.

when that happened, becky and i got interested.

we would exchange looks and both of us were thinking the same word: KIDDIELAND!

i never thought about how much energy it took for my folks to take us to an amusement park at the end of the day, or how much money my dad spent, or how tired their feet were (especially during the various times when my mom was pregnant with the latter ½ of the family). they didn't let us know that they were absolutely trashing their restful evening in order to take us to an asphalt-paved puke factory full of flashing signs and migraine-inducing noise. all i thought about was what they intended me to think about: having fun and scrambling my brains on the octopus as many times as humanly possible (or at least until my dad decided i was getting too green).

i was just thinking about that today because of my new marriage and the prospect of being able to bless whatever kids we have in all sorts of surprising, memorable ways.

sometimes, when i'm reflecting on the way things are (at least as far as i know) and all the great surprises that have been put into my life recently, i can see God coming home from work and getting ready to take me from the sandbox to the amusement park in the blink of an eye. i can see Him planning to surprise me in such a way that i will remember His goodness for my entire life. He is such a generous Father!

it's a girl!

2006-01-24T13:07:00.000-05:00

happy birthday, becky rico! (she's the one on the right.)

i bet the title made you think this post was going to be about us having a kid. i hope i fooled you. nyah nyah.

in self-remonstrance, i give you a diatribe against couch-potato-ness and the like.

2006-01-24T13:02:00.000-05:00

we've been watching stargate: sg-1 on dvd for a while now. there are 8 seasons on dvd and we're just starting the 4th. it's kind of like reading a good book together, because both of us enjoy fantasy/sci-fi and the show provides good writing and well-fleshed out characters in the genre. but it's not what a show like 24 would be. stargate's chapters have endings, with each show a part of the epic storyline but with closure to its own small story at the same time.

speaking of 24, amy and i watched it just last weekend when its season started. it's the sort of thing that can best be explained to someone who loves the show. when i had finished watching the first season on dvd with my roommate during the beginning of 2004, i wrote the following:

ok, so this week i spent a lot of time in front of the tube. "24" is addicting
and i have the first season on dvd, lent by a friend. now that it's over there's
a strange letdown feeling, like i got gypped out of something and didn't realize
it until too late. the time could have been more well spent, that's for sure.
it's interesting, though, to see the effects of suspense on the human psyche.
each day at work this week i've experienced symptoms of withdrawal, and with
good reason. closure is really the only thing that satisfies me, and i've lacked
it for 23 hours. each show leaves you desperately wanting resolution, and of
course (as i should have known) the last show does the same, to a greater extent
than i feel comfortable with. i need the second season.

brian and i didn't sleep much during that week, because every show ends with another unfixed crisis.

last night, the second week's 24 was on at 9. it was getting close to showtime and i finally made up my mind that i wouldn't watch it. i didn't want to get tied down to the television set every monday night for the next 20 weeks and it seemed that if i didn't nip it in the bud, i'd definitely get addicted to the show again.

instead of tv, i started to read kim by rudyard kipling. all sorts of comparisons between 24 and kim could be made, with the nod going to the book each time. and, as a bonus, amy and i got to just relax for the hour that would have otherwise been spent in front of a frantic video screen.

so i put this post under the category of religion. why? because i wanted to. and also because television shows (and any other kind of escapism) can easily become religions, making monday nights into holy days, the vernacular of their characters into sacred writ, and turning satisfying plot twists into communion (you know, the part where you realize the fullness of your god's love for you).

next time i post in the religion category, i might as well write about sports. dangit! stupid self-analysis . . . just for that, i'm getting another tv so i can watch sports and 24 at the same time! ha!

amy's rose

2006-01-23T13:01:00.000-05:00

creation's voice

2006-01-20T11:38:00.000-05:00

[i came across this essay the other day . . . i wrote it while i was in japan and thought it might be nice to post it on here.]

i saw some amazing creations today. they put me in awe of their unique designs - no, rather of their designer. yes, design is what i speak of. not some random accidental explosion, not a slow, chance-filled morphing of dysfunction into function. and beauty! what is that thing we call beauty in our world? does it take so many shapes because we have deemed it to be various? or do those shapes and beauties have a Lord and Master, a Creator of various beauty, who longs with them to come and redeem this place? they are the effect of a more than adequate cause, and He knows each and every one of them.

i saw spider crabs four feet across, spindling their way along the "ocean bottom;" jellyfish in myriad colors and sizes swam in their fluttering fashion, each one like a moving jewel in its liquid element; school after school of multicolored fish passed by - tropical, arctic, reef-dwelling, pacific rim natives and river fish; a 20 foot long whale shark with its attending schools - and pilot fish consort - cruised majestically, as the king it is; a manta ray 8 feet across swooped in and out of the bubbles ascending from a diver's scuba gear, looping-the-loop time and time again as if it were basking in the sensation of the rising air; each and every one of these continues to exclaim that its designer is good and right in all He does.

sadly, there are many who neither see nor hear. the deafening shouts and displays that the creation lets out by its very existence fall on unseeing eyes and unhearing ears. even we, those who have been gifted with eyes and ears by our Lord, sometimes fail to use them. we let our eyes fall to the dust that we call reality, and listen to distracting cries of money and time. necessary things, yes, but we lose view of what else our good Father has given us, what else glorifies Him and renews our wonder at His glory and might. seeing the creation is not just for our benefit, really. it is for His own glory that He made it, and let us not forget to glorify Him for it and because of it.

as the creation shouts, let us shout along with it, as that special part that can know the Creator personally. our shouts should be that much louder, knowing Who we praise and who we are in His sight. let all the glory, dominion and power be unto Him, forever and ever - for He has done great things.

trees. men. an elephant.

2006-01-19T12:39:00.000-05:00

an article on msn has answered one of the most pressing questions of our day! since i've always wondered what i would do if i ever found myself with half an ear, i was relieved to read that i would, in fact, breathe through it.

it seems that some swedish researchers found a neat-looking fossil fish that had a tube-like hole in the top of its skull, and decided that it was really an intermediate form of the human ear. they say that it could also have been used to breathe air. (which is the more plausible story?)

there's also a bone in the jaw structure of the fish that is "known" (by those who know such things) to have evolved into the ear's stirrup bone. the fossil fish's bone was a bit too short and disconnected, so the swedish scientists decided that it was in the process of moving to become an earbone. this migration, of course, "would take tens of millions of years to complete."

"This is another nail in the coffin of the creationist view, in my opinion,"
said Mark W. Westneat, an associate curator of zoology at the Field Museum of
natural history in Chicago. "It is a great fill-in-the-gap story that shows a
nice transition stage at an important point in evolution."

mr. westneat is currently trying to evolve a hole in the back of his neck so that he can breathe with his head stuck up his butt.

in an unrelated story, a scientist has proven that at some point in the past, an eagle caused damage to the eye sockets of a skull that was found in 1924. excited by his discovery, the scientist pronounced it "death by eagle" because of similar markings found on monkey skulls from the same site, and said that man of that time had to be wary of predators from the sky as well as the ground. i wonder if, perhaps, the more logical explanation would be that the markings were made by scavenger birds. hmm.

which makes for a better headline: "early man feared the sky!" or "taung child's eyes were eaten"?

brazen horses

2006-01-18T16:18:00.000-05:00

the hunter museum is having an exhibition by deborah butterfield that amy and i are going to peruse, probably this weekend. it's great being so close to downtown chatt and having access to the neat stuff that's happening around here! we're looking to move come lease end, and, while we don't relish the thought of leaving such a great apartment, our building is being turned into condos so we don't have much choice. hopefully, we'll find a good place nearby so we can continue our convenient forays across the bridge into the city.

in other news, american idol has begun and i just found out that amy's tradition is to make brownies to eat while watching the show. i like that tradition. i think i'll watch the show for the brownies.

it's about time . . .

2006-01-17T10:53:00.000-05:00

it has been brought to my attention that i haven't posted in a while. actually, isaac gould wondered when i was planning on updating the blog and i was surprised that it's been so long since i did anything on here.

so amy and i went to chicago for christmas. funny thing is, we took the camera with the full intent to take a lot of pictures, and ended up with none. it was a crazy time, though! my family tends to be loud and all over the house at the same time. all the usual stuff happened: we had a snowball fight with ben (13) when we got to the house; we ate cookies with my dad (56) and ben when we finally went inside; we got a phone call from my mom (young and beautiful), informing us that mike (16) had gotten in a car accident on the way home from youth group with the rest of the family; we went to the scene and hung out with dan (15) and sarah (10) while the cops arrested the other car's driver, who had front-ended the minivan as mike pulled up behind him (the other driver was stopped in the middle of the street, and inexplicably floored the accelerator in reverse, then drove off after striking our hood with his tow hitch and pushing the van into the car behind it); we went to church on christmas eve and morning; etc.

my incoming wisdom tooth started to hurt and made my cheek get infected. i'll spare you the full detail of the ordeal i went through, except to say that i am very thankful that my folks had a good supply of motrin on hand, because i was in serious pain and couldn't chew christmas dinner to my satisfaction. mike ended up eating my leftovers. half a plate's worth, gone in half a minute. he's a beast.

so amy and i flew home. i was drugged the whole way, and she is completely wonderful for putting up with my incoherently demanding self.

i got all four pieces of my wisdom removed on the 28th of december and all i have to say is (a) that's why i stopped blogging for a while and (b) painkillers are happy.

i guess my narcotic bliss precluded thoughts worth blogging about, or the desire to blog. something like that. so i kinda forgot that this was here and made no attempt to remember. i've been off the narcotics since two weeks ago, basically, and i guess the busy-ness of our weekend lives and getting back to work have gotten in the way. it's pretty sad, and i want to be more frequent in updating; i'll make sure that i get something up here at least three times a week.

we watched a french film called est/ouest (east/west) on friday night with some friends up at covenant college. don't rent it if you're in a melancholy mood already, because it'll definitely put you in one. it's an excellent film though; set in the ukraine after ww2, it follows a young married couple (he's russian, she's french) and their young son. after the war, the "motherland" put out an invitation to all her scattered citizens to come back to her, and they knew little of the prison they were going home to. in short, it's a constant struggle to stay on the good side of the government and the french wife finds it particularly difficult. i can't really say anything more about the movie without finding myself writing the entire plot and dialogue in this post. the languages are both russian and french.

after the film was over not one of the 10 of us in the room could really speak. i was on the verge of tears for about 20 minutes after it ended, all the more so because a young covenant student named oleg was with us. he started talking slowly from his memories of the oppression his country (kazakhstan) experienced, even during his own lifetime. i know that the movie was excellent and the story was tragically gripping, but to have a believer from that same situation in the room with us, watching it . . . what an incredible testimony to the grace of God in any situation! suffering turned to joy, pain to praise.

i was going to write something in this post about how the bears' loss in the playoffs was another sad event of this time-between-posts, but it hardly seems significant in light of the blessing it was to mourn injustice and rejoice over God's mercy with other believers.

if you have endured to the end of this post, you are to be congratulated! thanks again for spurring me to write again, isaac. hasta luego.

so you want a christmas letter?

2005-12-21T13:59:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas! We hope that this letter finds you well, and pray for many of you regularly.

It has been a great year for us! In January, Mark was working in Stockton, CA and Amy (having moved from Cincinnati in early October, 2004) was living there as well, where she had her first roommate experience outside of her parents’ house. It was definitely a learning experience! We both enjoyed Stockton while there. There are some really great people and beautiful areas in that part of California.

Mark had proposed to Amy in November, and we were involved in wedding planning pretty heavily. In April, we found out that Mark’s job was relocating him to Chattanooga, TN (much closer to family!) and we started the moving process. All the friends we'd made in Stockton came over and helped us pack the 15-foot truck we rented! Wow. I'm still amazed by how wonderful and kind they all were to us.

On the way to Chatt we visited Amy's sister Lisa, her husband Fred, and their kids Malachi, Suzanne, and Daniel in Irvine, CA. We also visited Mark's cousins, Joel and Tanis Flinkman and their son Carter, in Talequah, OK. Amy's Grandma Wagner got a visit, as well, and I think all of us appreciated that visit a lot. Grandma Wagner also gave her approval to our marriage :). Another highlight of the trip was our stop at the Grand Canyon. Mark had never seen it before, and his enjoyment was wonderful to see.

Amy's parents and brother Robby packed up her stuff in Cincinnati and drove it to Chattanooga. What a blessing! We were very grateful for their help. Amy went back to Cincinnati with Robby and her parents when the apartment was in some decent order. Amy learned what it was like to plan a wedding, and actually enjoyed the process. (Mark has trouble understanding that.) Amy's still surprised by how wonderful and helpful so many people were. She felt very supported. She also went to showers thrown by sisters, friends, and family. The farthest throw was by Mark’s sister, who threw a shower a whole 3 ½ yards. She was able to meet lots of new family on the Rico side and got to know Mark's family a bit better.

Before the wedding, we went to Chicago and visited Mark's family and celebrated his sister Sarah at her ballet recital. We also got to see Mark's brothers play youth league baseball. Then we took them with us to Cincinnati for the bachelor party; Mark and most of his groomsmen went to a gorge in Kentucky where they climbed and had lots of fun. We got married June 25th.

We moved into our very first apartment together in the end of June. Chattanooga is a great place, new friends included! After we had settled into our apartment, we had the joy of going to Chicago to celebrate two weddings. Robbie Kellogg and Lydia (Kwok) were married, and on the way to that wedding we caught the reception of Lydia (Stushek) and Kyle Jodrey.

We have enjoyed the hills and rivers in the area, as well as the city itself. Since we moved here, we have been visited by Amy's sister Christy and her family, Grandma Cload, Amy's parents, and her brother Robby. We were able to visit Amy's Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and other family at Thanksgiving. It was great! We also celebrated Emily (Haluska) and Rob Welch's wedding in Peoria, IL that weekend. We were very happy to find that we would be able to attend. We met several friends of Mark’s from Moody Bible Institute, and Amy started new relationships with some of them. Good stuff!

Amy got a job cleaning at a local inn. It is a very nice place and she is enjoying it tremendously. It is good for her to do something that she's good at outside the home. We also got a fish! He is a beta, and we named him Agamemnon. Amy's been getting into her pastels a bit, which is good. Mark’s been taking more pictures and working out on the cello with a friend, and we've been keeping up blogs if any of you are interested. Feel free to check them out, and to respond to things said if you like. Mark's blog is called selandroid, and Amy's is called livingstreams.

We’ll be in Chicago for Christmas this year and, though we won’t be able to see most of you, the thought of being nearby is nice. If your life depends on seeing us, you know how to get ahold of us.

We’ll leave you with the words of the babe in the manger, who was, is, and will be Almighty God:

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him." Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, "Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?" Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words. And the word that you hear is not mine but the Father's who sent me. These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

We pray that you will live in eager anticipation of that day when our faith is made sight! In a world so desperate for peace, cling to Him who is the giver of the only lasting peace.

Love,

Mark and Amy

after the show

2005-12-12T23:56:00.000-05:00

i played at ridgeland baptist church yesterday. they did a christmas program at 4 & 7 pm and i rather enjoyed myself. there was only one completely cheesy sounding song, and that was because it was three guys singing some country-ish number at the top of their lungs. blech.

amy came to the first performance, and said she could hear me sometimes. then she went to the michael card concert and left me to gorge myself on finger sandwiches between shows. it ended up that she didn't get to the church to pick me up until about 45 minutes after i was done.

while i was sitting there all by my lonesome, a few things occurred to me.

it was a big church.
there were a lot of people at each show.
they all left really fast after saying "hi, how are you, i'm good, bye."
that may have been called "fellowship."

maybe i was tired and therefore prone to exhausted thoughts, or maybe it's a valid point to say that what passes for fellowship in many churches is nothing more than a social encounter of the department store variety. sue is shopping for a dress, sees valerie shopping, says hi, and continues shopping.

i want to go to a church whose members love each other enough to spend time with each other, spurring one another on to good deeds and edifying the body by conversation on all aspects of life. i may have had the wrong impression of ridgeland's fellowship, but i sure want mine to look different. i want the "my" to disappear as much as possible.

just thinkin'

2005-12-09T19:05:00.000-05:00

here's a thought: what if, since trends have taken our society closer and closer to the denial of truth as a concept, much less as reality, we are living in times that reflect the fall of rome?

ok, so i jumped in a bit suddenly there. let me try to explain.

roman thought in jesus' time was along the lines of postmodernism, to a degree. they quested for the betterment of humanity, while putting away absolutes with the question, "what is truth?". the pax of rome was a part of its downfall, as it simply got too big to handle and the society collapsed as its morals, both civil and personal, decayed.

western civilization is currently using the word "truth" to its advantage. one verbal spin leads to another, reacts to another, makes another necessary, leaves you wondering where it started and what really happened. democrat and republican see the same event through opposite ends of the microscope, and episcopalian and baptist disagree on what Jesus meant when He said, "my word is truth", or whether or not he even said it, or which of His words he was talking about.

what is truth? whose morals do we follow? what makes them right? is there a right?

we have moved from modernism to postmodernism - been there for a while, actually - and now no one notices when one man's sin is another's heroism. the question is: what is next? after absolutes have been banished, what does the coming philosophical change (generation) have in store for the west?

and every man did what was right in his own eyes . . . this caused the fall of rome.

(let me know what you think)

on this date . . .

2005-12-08T17:12:00.000-05:00

. . . in 1542, mary queen of scots was born.

. . . in 1941, the united states, britain, & australia declared war on japan.

. . . in 1991, the soviet union was ended with the formation of the commonwealth of independent states.

too tall for tokyo . . .

2005-12-07T17:01:00.000-05:00

cathie gandel has written a piece for newsweek about her 5-year sojourn in japan, and many of her experiences strike home with me.

"Yes, I was a gaijin giant, and my height provided more than one awkward moment.
I hit my head on the overhanging subway straps. I often had to stoop to enter
doorways or look into mirrors positioned for shorter people. Sitting at the low
tables in coffee shops, I was unable to cross my legs without knocking over the
water glasses (small) and the coffee cups (demi). . .
"I learned to look for beauty in details, not broad vistas: three or four ripe, orange persimmons against a gray stone wall. I learned to listen even when I could not
understand."

her account brought another thing to my mind as well: how different christians are when compared to our godless counterparts in this society that is being created according to their specifications. what dwells within us is so much bigger than all this stuff around us, that it's a wonder we even fit here at all.

at least i hope that's the case. i wouldn't want to wake up one day and find the church to be smaller than Christ's people, or find myself suddenly shrunken.

addiction

2005-12-06T17:19:00.000-05:00

we, as a culture, are addicted to non-propositional statements. we say "prefer" instead of "believe," "personal choice" instead of "right thing to do," and replace one truth with a multiple choice smorgasbörd.

is it possible that we simply cannot accept the possibility of being wrong in any circumstance? are we striking culpability from our lives?

aeropuertos de thanksgiving

2005-12-05T16:07:00.000-05:00

birmingham international airport, alabama:

cincinnati-northern kentucky international airport, kentucky:

lambert-st. louis international airport, missouri:

hartsfield-jackson atlanta international airport, georgia:

there'll be a whole new set of airports after we get back from christmas in chicago. what i'm trying to do is document each and every airport i visit with a single picture, which i then intend to make into some sort of artsy-fartsy thingamajig. we'll see how that works out.

i am the terminator . . . aha! destroy!

2005-11-30T18:20:00.000-05:00

so the past couple of days have been - dare i say it - fulfilling. not fulfilling like cornbread, but work's been good; that generally means i've been busy at doing a variety of things at the same time and getting most of them done. it's no fun to do the same thing for a long time, and today i did a lot.

this being the end of the month and all, i'm here late again. but for some reason, i don't feel like my time has been stolen, or like i've been conned into wearing my eyes out just a little bit more. it's actually more like i was given the privilege of performing a necessary function to make my company better and more profitable.

feels nice.

2005-11-28T17:00:00.000-05:00

this is my first entry after a long thanksgiving weekend, and it seems like i have so much to write about that it's useless to even start.

things i'm thankful for (as if every other blog hasn't already done this):

first off, work doesn't suck as much as i thought it would after the hiatus. i think it's because of the emotional toll of being around so many people for such a huge percentage of the time. and the relief of being "away from it all" while focusing on something else. funny that i need a vacation from the holiday season.
i'm 26.
no one in my family died this past year.
i have a wonderful, lovely, supportive and cherished wife.
i like her family.
her dad didn't kill me when i called him "pops".
we got to attend the wedding of my very good friend, emily haluska (now mrs. rob welch) on saturday, and i did the prelude with scott griffin. look for photos here. i promise there are a few strange ones.
our travels left us with no bad memories.
i forgot my suit, which i had intended to wear to em's wedding, on our bedroom door in chattanooga. this was good for a test of patience and for God to show Himself faithful. it was a blessing in disguise, because amy's cousin-in-law lent me his suit, which fit like it was tailored for me. and the shoes weren't bad, either!
i got to know amy's uncle emmet better, and he is a lovely man. that is not a term i would apply to just anyone, but somehow it fits him. i'm pretty sure i don't know a man with more class & substance than he has.
our apartment is quiet.

it's now the end of the day and i'm getting set to go home from work, to my loving wife and hot soup. i love life. i really, really do.

2005-11-21T13:03:00.000-05:00

you know how some people give gifts of money rather than things, so that the recipient can choose whatever's best or most wanted? well, i got a money and it got me a camera bag. i thanked the givers because it was perfect and now i don't have to wrap my lenses in a towel and haul them in a regular backpack . . . this makes it tons easier and definitely safer for the equipment.

it's raining right now and i'm looking out the window at the grey sky over the grey city and the music i'm listening to is melancholy to the extreme. i think i'll change what i can to make it more cheerful. (least i can do for my psychological state.)

i'm selling a canon fd lens if anyone needs one.

2005-11-18T08:55:00.000-05:00

on the heels of joel's post, check out this article . . . it hit a chord (and a nerve) with me.

2005-11-15T15:42:00.000-05:00

drum roll please . . .

amy has a job as a housekeeper for the stonefort inn here in downtown chattanooga! something i didn't mention before, but she had an interview today and it obviously went well. it's nice because we don't need the income but it's something she likes to do and will help pad our savings. she'll work mondays and fridays, daytime hours.

again with the drum roll . . .

i got the cactus sticker and it now resides on the rear window of the volvo. like you care.

2005-11-14T17:55:00.000-05:00

i was thinking about prayer today, because i read the following passage:

Nehemiah 1:4; As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven. 5And I said, "O LORD God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, 6let your ear be attentive and your eyes open, to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel your servants, confessing the sins of the people of Israel, which we have sinned against you. Even I and my father's house have sinned. 7We have acted very corruptly against you and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, and the rules that you commanded your servant Moses. 8Remember the word that you commanded your servant Moses, saying, 'If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the peoples, 9but if you return to me and keep my commandments and do them, though your dispersed be under the farthest skies, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place that I have chosen, to make my name dwell there.' 10They are your servants and your people, whom you have redeemed by your great power and by your strong hand. 11O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man."

the faith of that man! the first thing that came to my mind when he prayed that God would be attentive to his prayer was that i haven't prayed for healing in a long time. epilepsy is something that i've learned to live with to the point that it's not really on my mind as something to pray for. yet, even though i believe that our Father is big enough to move a king's heart to grant nehemiah's request to return to jerusalem, and to give him all the materials he needed to rebuild, i forget that He answers small prayers as well. and yes, i consider epilepsy a "small" thing when it comes to prayer requests. it's normal.

but it's not small, really. i want to be free from physical dependency on a drug that still lets seizures occur every so often. i really want that, and i don't pray for it. i'm pretty sure that it's more important than some things (like when to buy a house) but definitely less important than spiritual growth.

so do i pray for it, trusting that God will do what's best? i guess so, even though i have a suspicion that He's not through using it in my life. [perhaps to draw me closer to Him time after time?] after all, the clothes-rending, ash-sitting, fasting kind of prayer in my life has always been reserved for times when i know i've neglected to honor Him. oh, to be a man who can weep and mourn for reasons other than my own unfaithfulness!

owwwwwww

2005-11-10T14:39:00.000-05:00

i played basketball last night after church. it was good. my defense was lights out until i wore out, and then it was passable enough to keep my man from scoring. i only missed about 4 shots all night, and none that were uncontested. it was really encouraging, since i haven't played since the end of '03 and i had been worried that my disgraceful play would defile the gym.

the only problem is that since i haven't played in so long (or done anything physically strenuous, really), i am now very sore. i have tender toes, cramping calves, hurtin' hams, and quaking quads. and now, before my verbal horridness gets any worse, i shall go.

i can't wait until next wednesday, though. me like basketball. me like sweet jump shot.

who am i?

2005-11-09T17:40:00.000-05:00

on sunday our pastor told us that we are sinning if we care about the same things that the world cares about. worries of material nature have no place in our lives if we are honestly seeking the mind of Christ. in the world, not of it. i was convicted immensely, because i worry about things that have no place in the front of my mind.

James 4: 4You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the
world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world
becomes an enemy of God. 5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? 6But he gives us more grace.
That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the
humble."
7Submit yourselves, then,
to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he
will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you
double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and
your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

how friendly am i with the world? can i give up what i enjoy for the sake of friendship with Christ? what do i place before time with my Saviour? do i show His love in my actions every day, all day?

wash your hands, you sinners! purify your hearts, you double-minded! grieve! mourn! wail!

am i an enemy of God? no, but do i put myself in the position of one? change your laughter to mourning, and your joy to gloom . . .

you adulterous people. i shake, not with fear but with shame. my spirit is grieved, but His was first. like gomer, i am His beloved harlot - sought after and called every second of my life - and my seeking is limited to whatever fits in my schedule!

humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. He has humbled me and is lifting me up, and what can i do but worship?

i'm listening to "praise you in this storm" by casting crowns right now. the first time i ever heard that song was during the week after katrina hit new orleans and the tragedy was starting to sink in. the christian radio station out here played the song for the first time as a montage, with clips from survivors who had lost loved ones and their homes interspersed with the lyrics. people whose whole lives had been shattered were weeping, crying out in pain.

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

2005-11-01T13:02:00.000-05:00

i put this post in the category of "art", but it's really not about that as much as photography and commerce. i have a website, as many of you know (and have visited, for which i am grateful). on it, i have a bunch of pictures, and i'm trying to sell them. well, because i'm no good at marketing, they haven't been selling. at all. that was discouraging at first, but i can hardly expect people (who probably already have stuff to decorate their homes and are short on money as it is) to jump at the chance to hang a picture of a bug on their walls.

which leads me to my point. i have a store now, which i intend to link to my site. that hasn't been done yet, but i have stickers and shirts and a mug and a magnet all with my designs on them! be excited! go to the link for my store! buy stuff for christmas presents! tell me what i'm doing wrong so i can fix it!

please?

2005-10-28T15:33:00.000-04:00

help draw something or a rabid hamster will be slipped into your pocket when you're not paying attention.

2005-10-28T14:42:00.000-04:00

we're going to be spending the night in a field tonight. the forecast says that the sun will set at 6:51 and the temperature is supposed to go down to 35°. it'll be crisp autumn weather and we'll build a bonfire and eat and drink and be merry and etcetera. just in case our toesies get cold, we're taking the tent because sleeping bags might be lacking in warmth. and if that fails, we'll put the seats down in the volvo and sleep in there.

need i say more?

2005-10-27T13:26:00.000-04:00

doing church

2005-10-24T14:22:00.000-04:00

for a good read, click on this link. ryan bolger is a professor at fuller theological seminary and is one of the more prominent online voices from the emerging church movement. i think he has a great deal of good to say in terms of how we should (or should not) "do church."

his blog entry concisely presents many of my own thoughts on the subject but does leave out the theological thoughts i would add. i believe that when a church tries to become "relevant", it loses not only its cultural credibility and ability to best meet its members' needs, but it loses its focus on the doctrines taught in the bible.

nothing is more heart-breaking than believers who cease living and teaching their faith because it doesn't fit the culture, or their perception of it.

2005-10-20T12:24:00.000-04:00

those of you who know isaac gould may be interested to read this post on his blog. sometimes i wish i lived in another country again so that i could have the rich and different experiences that come with that kind of situation.

i was recently reading through my blog from when i was in japan working for the nova group. i came across a post that reminded me of what i want to return to as a christian and it put me in a sort of melancholy mood, i guess. if you take the time to read through that blog, you'll laugh at how crackheaded i got at times, and also maybe understand why i miss living overseas. every day something different and unexpected happened, for three months of my life.

i am blessed with a very stable existence that i could consider commonplace but for the newness and vitality that amy possesses. she is a joy to be with. it's just that (and i know that she would agree with me on this) it would be so much more fun to run around in new zealand for a summer, or bike around the scandinavian countryside, or backpack around europe, or take a kayak trip in alaska! i want fun but i'm supposed to be responsible and have to settle for fun in smaller chunks. who came up with this "growing up" idea anyways?

i think amy and i are going to dream frequently, and sometimes God will bless us with living dreams.

2005-10-17T17:23:00.000-04:00

see this post for news on amy's job hunt and prospects with girls inc.

2005-10-17T16:39:00.000-04:00

looks like the white sox are chicago's representative in the world series! as much as i wish it were the cubs instead, i'm really really happy that we finally get to cheer for one of our baseball teams to win it all. i can't claim that i've been a sox fan my whole life. i listened to every one of their games for a short time in junior high, but i grew up on the north side and went to cubs games. i'm really a cubs fan wholeheartedly and a sox fan because i'm from chicago. but hurrah just the same!

amy's been great at giving up time with me so i can watch these historic games. she's such a supportive wife. y'all have no idea how much God has blessed me through her.

2005-10-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

so, now that i'm rich and rolling in dough (so much so that i have to move it out of the way when i sit down anywhere in the house), i want one of these when they come to stores in 2006. mark your calendars.

2005-10-10T16:49:00.000-04:00

i disagree with most of what i've read from doug pagitt's theology, but this post illustrates what i find to be lovely in the emerging church: it is open (real) and honest. openness is much better than a façade, and an examined life can be more subject to the change that comes from the Spirit's conviction.

i'm not looking through rose-colored glasses at the e.c., but just pointing out some good in christians who are trying to live honestly.

2005-10-10T13:20:00.000-04:00

vote for the right candidate in 2008. the world will thank you.

2005-10-10T11:46:00.000-04:00

alright, so i went downstairs to watch the girls play in the pool last night, and was greeted by the sight of two blue children huddling on the first step of the pool and occasionally touching the surface gingerly. so what did i do, you might ask? i opened my fool mouth and told 'em that if they (meaning just the older one) got "all wet" that i'd jump in with all my clothes on.

so i got wet, and froze. but at least there was a kid swimming around like a 3½ foot tall fish. i hope that being this nuts as an uncle translates to being a nutty dad. i'm pretty sure it will.

it's all relative

2005-10-09T17:24:00.000-04:00

we have amy's sister and brother in law staying with us for a while now. they're on vacation and wanted to visit and see the sights around here (and the other sights, too). it's been great, because they have two little girls (ruthie, 4½ and laura, 2½) and steven, a 10 month old boy, and life around here is never boring now. at least not since thursday afternoon. they're going home on tuesday, so this post is short for the purpose of letting me go play with some kids.

it's odd sometimes because the only way to get to the bathroom is through our bedroom. eh-hem.

laura woke up one morning at 5 o'clock, worried that amy and mark were ok, and has also requested that amy make "rolliovi" (ravioli).

ruthie, laura and daddy are about to go swimming and i think that this is something that we're gonna want to watch. it's 63 degrees outside and cloudy right now. our apartment building's pool is not heated or covered.

2005-10-03T11:04:00.000-04:00

from my last post: "sometimes i wonder why i'm blogging. i started out with this vision of wanting to change the church for the better by using the internet, and now i'm writing about a craft show. i don't intend sarcasm . . . it's just that i want to do better, more noble things than i seem to be doing."

in church on sunday i heard a sermon that was meant just for me. i know of no other way to explain how well it was tailored to what i've been thinking about (i.e. my job and how i wish i could do photography and music instead of rather than in addition to it, and the above paragraph).

the pastor was preaching on being "salty" in the world. the long and short of it is basically that there is (or should be) no distinction between sacred and secular in the way we live. we are sacred, or set apart; therefore, what we do is sacred as well and should not be categorized as "less holy" or less meaningful than work done by a missionary or preacher.

well, i didn't really have much of a problem thinking that i was less holy, but then he also gave an illustration of a salesman he knew. insert the word "underwriter" in place of "salesman". this salesman was concerned that his career didn't mean as much to God as a pastor's, and was told that rather than change careers, he should be as salty as possible - he should live his life and do his work as unto the Lord.

for whatever purpose, God has placed me in my career. i do know that one of the many facets of his purpose is to install me as His witness wherever and with whomever i work. and i don't need to be discouraged that i'm not fulfulling some higher calling. i'm not working artistically . . . music, photography and wordplay are all talents that i have been granted for His glory, and i have felt insufficient in my use of them; however, i am where He has put me and He will give me strength to glorify him.

after the service, the pastor shook my hand and told me to be a salty underwriter. Lord help me.

susan came over for lunch after the service. we spoke of the coming glory of Christ's kingdom on earth, of our talents being used in His service eternally, and of the blessed hope that we do have in Him. there is such great encouragement in looking forward to His victorious return!

. . . yet i have talents that i can use better now. yes, i will continue as an underwriter. yes, i will be salty as He gives me strength. no, i do not feel that i display good stewardship of my abilities. if you pray for me, pray that i will learn how to integrate my life with my creativity, to the betterment of both and for His glory!

oh, how i long to see His face in the knowledge that i have been wise with what i have been given! come, Lord Jesus!

2005-10-01T16:12:00.000-04:00

amy and i stopped by coolidge park on the way home from dropping off a couple of dvd's at blockbuster . . . they had a craft show set up there, and as soon as i heard the word "craft" i knew that amy would want to go, and i assumed that i wouldn't have such a good time at it.

assumptions are usually wrong. you know the saying - to assume makes a donkey out of u and me. i'm good at creating donkeys.

the show didn't have so much to do with craft-ing as it had to do with crafts-men. just about the first booth we stopped at was a showcase of some of the most beautiful glass art i've ever seen, by thomas spake. i had a nice chat with him and ended up with a quasi-invitation to try my hand at glassblowing. another couple of guys i spoke to make stuff out of iron . . . some of the coolest looking stuff at the show.

the only problem with the thing was that after a bit (since i was tired from staying up late visiting with scott last night and because it was hot out) i started to get confused by all the different things to see and colors and shapes and people walking around. and i needed to get a pill from home, so we left. we still may go back today.

isn't my life fascinating? sometimes i wonder why i'm blogging. i started out with this vision of wanting to change the church for the better by using the internet, and now i'm writing about a craft show. i don't intend sarcasm . . . it's just that i want to do better, more noble things than i seem to be doing.

2005-09-30T15:19:00.000-04:00

amy had a job interview today! there's this place called girls inc. that she interviewed with today before lunch . . . she was thrilled with the way it turned out and it looks like the best possible situation should she be hired. she'd be working weekdays 2-6 pm, and since it's a program that's located in schools she'd have the same holidays that schools have. and they have every holiday in the book, of course. plus, the summers-off thing would probably apply as well.

it gets better . . . the school she'd be working at (as a teacher's aide to a girls inc. teacher) is pretty close to my office, and we'd still be able to have lunch together because she'd be starting after lunchtime! man, i hope this isn't just a tease from God to see how we deal with disappointment . . . i'll let you know more as soon as we find out.

musical musings . . .

2005-09-28T17:00:00.000-04:00

(this post has more to do with emotion than it does music, but the title is still appropriate.)

i have a friend coming into town. he's an amazing musician; i've never heard a better pianist in person. yeah, of course there are better piano-ers in the world, but somehow they strike me as being less real. let me explain.

sometimes i listen to music (yo-yo ma and immanuel ax performing beethoven's sonatas for cello and piano, for example), and it's artistically beautiful. and then i listen to some more music (mstislav rostropovich performing bach's suites for unaccompanied cello) and it's emotionally powerful.

and then i listen to scott play and it's a gut-wrenching display of musicianship coupled with as much emotion as the human psyche can withstand.

there's a big difference in my mind between all those "professional musicians" (who love their art very much, no doubt) and someone like scott who, as far as i know, has never sat down at a piano without feeling.

i've gotten the chance to play with him quite a bit in my life, and his ear for music and improvisational skill are both the best i've known (my old cello teacher takes a close second). it's a joy to not only be able to hear him play, but to be a participant in that celebration of God's gift of talent! he doesn't play music; he emotes it.

2005-09-26T16:18:00.000-04:00

oh, yeah . . . i almost forgot to mention that amy and i are going to be traveling to the u.p. next summer! we're going to the first week of family camp at cedar campus, and then to my grandparents' place (hopefully we'll get my folks to schedule their vacation so that we're all there together). fun!!!

2005-09-26T16:06:00.000-04:00

you know how when you do something a lot you start seeing it in your head when you shut your eyes? like hackeysack when i was in college, or minesweeper after college, or that one computer game with the ball that bounces around and smashes bricks, or cubis last spring . . . there are so many things that i've gotten addicted to for recreation.

i'm starting to see yahtzee in my head now. amy and i have been addicted to it recently, to the point that when i come home for lunch we play a quick game before i go back to work. it's ridiculous, but i'm pretty sure that it's a ton better than watching movies constantly.

if you're unfamiliar with the game, here are the rules. basically, it's all about chance and probability, and about which of us can put the most randomly offensive "names" at the top of our scoresheets. that part's almost as much fun as the game itself. i'm good at taking stupid risks and ending up with too low a score to qualify for the bonus, and amy's generally the one who gets three yahtzees in a row and feels sorry for me.

another reason the game's so fun is that we cheat for each other. like, i'll cross out yahtzee rather than get too few fives, and the next turn i'll roll a yahtzee. so amy'll quick reach over and uncross my yahtzee and there won't be anything i can say about it. or we give each other free rolls if we feel that the previous roll was "affected by the table" or something.

when i was a kid my family would go camping (well, "camping" really isn't the word for it, since we were in my grandparents' cabin) in upper Michigan. we were yoopers for a week. while at the cabin on silver lake, we shot bb guns, had wars, swam, threw rocks, caught frogs, drank green river (made from the syrup mix, which is the only way to drink it, in my opinion), took pontoon boat rides, and got dirty enough that grandma gave up on white washcloths.

the highlights of our evenings were jeopardy on t.v. before dinner, and yahtzee after we had chocolate licorice for dessert. we would sit around the kitchen table and make all sorts of noise trying to convince our dice to come up sixes, or our neighbors' dice to give them nothing. i love remembering how grandma would talk into the cup as she shook the dice, and how my sister and i felt like grownups when we played with them.

all this to say that my yahtzee tradition has much deeper roots than just as a game-we-got-as-a-wedding-present. and amy had never played it before. i am really looking forward to showing my grandkids our tradition when they come visit, just like i'm looking forward to taking amy on vacation to the cabin and letting her see my family's tradition firsthand.

this is more than a game, in my mind. it's something that my kids are going to grab onto and own, and no other family will have it the way we do. it doesn't even matter what game it is, what tradition we have or where we have it.

"our family" is a precious and rare environment already, and we've only been married for 3 months (yesterday). we have what no one else has, and it's a secret just for us. our kids will play yahtzee the way we play it, and feel like grownups as they sit around the kitchen table eating chocolate licorice and drinking green river.

2005-09-24T17:42:00.000-04:00

we're looking at houses. not that we really have enough money to buy one, but we're looking just the same. "so we know what we want, right?" and now i'm caught in a bind, sort of. i want a particular house, i know i can get approved for a loan to get it, and i know that it would not be a wise decision to go any farther than inquiry at this point.

see, the house i want requires that i get a parcel of land, make sure it's all good for plumbing and other utilities, and hire a contractor to make a foundation and assemble a house. more on this later . . .

this is not a potato

2005-09-22T16:08:00.000-04:00

you know what it's like to get so far into a book that you have to be forced to put it down? i'm about to get that far into a tom clancy book. amy's going to have her work cut out for her if she wants me to do stuff on saturday, i think. the good thing is that she understands what it's like to be at that point in a book.

of course, since i've been getting home from work in a very tired state this week, i'm not usually up for much anyways, so i have to be convinced. it's a matter of amy letting me know that she really wants to do something, and then i'm up for it. i think people who don't know what love is call that being "whipped". they can stick it.

2005-09-21T15:37:00.000-04:00

i played cello last night with this person. i was looking forward to it very much; it had been so long since i last played with a genuine classically trained musician it's not even funny. i mean, playing in the church band doesn't really require thought. last night, however, i missed many notes and am a better man for it now. we were set up in the living room of our apartment and amy took refuge in the bedroom to avoid the mistakes that were flying from my fingers.

look at this picture for an idea of what it felt like to play musically again. thankfully, my cohort didn't get too annoyed by my rustiness.

we're thinking about starting to actually do this regularly. every tuesday night or so. i'm definitely all in, and i'm pretty sure she's got a desire to do it. what we're thinking is that we'll play duets on the walking bridge over coolidge park (north chattanooga, for those who don't live here) in the evening, and have a hat out for people to donate to our pocketses. yessss, precioussss.

2005-09-16T17:20:00.000-04:00

just an update on the work situation:

i still have a job. i should be receiving my next paycheck on schedule, and that's a thing i won't take for granted anytime soon. praise the Lord for His care for us!

the deal is pretty simple. there are people at the company we're contracted with that are watching us very closely, and if we don't slip up in the near future, everything should get back to peachy keen, but the little black book will always have a checkmark in it next to "september 2005". as good as our company can be, a reputation means a lot and can't be regained overnight. pray that we're all very good at our jobs and that people who catch mistakes we've made just tell us about them, rather than complaining to their bosses first.

i'm looking forward to the weekend. it should give me a chance to breathe and relax a bit. thanks for praying, all you who have done so!

another reassuring thing that i just thought of is that i've been told by someone from a company here in chattanooga that if my company falls over, i'll have a job here. that makes me happy, kinda like a net beneath the highwire, but i would much prefer to stay with my current employer.

ok. bye. i want a croissant and some chocolate.

2005-09-14T15:36:00.000-04:00

amy made apple crisp last night while we were watching "the fellowship of the ring" on dvd (we got the special-super-duper-widescreen-limited-extended-box set-with-extras edition of the lotr series as a present to us from someone who gave us a target gift card for our wedding). apple crisp is currently the dessert that hits my spot. we finished it off at lunch.

i had lunch today at the normal time, not like yesterday when i went out for a short time after 1 pm. i guess that means that things were not as crazy busy today as they were at the same time yesterday, and it also means that the morning didn't feel like it was 8 hours long.

2005-09-13T17:37:00.000-04:00

well, the only change in my work habits so far has been to multi-task like never before, and that's not even a result of job insecurity. it's a result of having a lot to do because business is actually really good right now (if you judge quality according to quantity).

you know how when you're stressed out, you get a headache and lots of nervous energy? as much as i try, i haven't avoided the stress completely. (lunch with amy always helps, and we're very blessed to be able to share that break together. if we lived farther from work it would be really impractical, but a 7 minute commute makes the decision an easy one.) i think that with the Lord in control, stress should not rule my thought patterns, and it hasn't. but it has taken a toll on my physiology, just as a matter of course. i just have to make sure i take care of myself so that i don't get too stressed out and start having seizures as a result. so far, so good.

i feel kinda guilty for leaving work now - even though i've put in more than my 8 hour requirement - but i need to for my body's sake. neurologically speaking, if i were to put in long hours every day with this stress, it'd be like playing jenga. it's only a matter of time before the tower falls.

that's another matter of prayer, but not because my life is in danger or anything. it would just be nice to have a seizure-free existence.

2005-09-12T17:10:00.000-04:00

i don't remember the last time i thanked God that i have a job before this morning. it's a funny thing - when a small company comes within a whisker of losing its only contract (and is still teetering on that edge) the fear of God is instilled rather strongly in its employees. i didn't even really know if i was working for money or not until i spoke with my boss this morning.

sparing you the details, let me just ask for prayer on two fronts: the administration and the workerbees. the bosses need wisdom and cool heads for decision-making. the workerbees need clarity and good communication, not to mention trust in God's providence.

thanks.

2005-09-04T20:01:00.000-04:00

something disturbing i noticed today . . . blame-shifting about whose fault it is that the katrina disaster isn't being handled more effectively.

does this rankle you as much as it does me?

2005-08-31T17:24:00.000-04:00

is our salvation (and sanctification) an individual or corporate matter? are individual and corporate matters interdependent?

over and dune with

2005-08-30T18:27:00.000-04:00

you may have noticed that i've got a bunch of books over there on the left. and that most of them are from the dune series. and that they have rather strange titles that might lead one to believe that i've gotten myself into some cult of dune-worshipping. don't worry . . . they're just books from someone's imagination.

actually, they are quite addicting; once the story gets going it's really hard to put it down, much like lord of the rings and the chronicles of narnia (both of which have been vital parts of our reading habits - we read narnia at night before going to sleep). there's a lot of mysticism about the plot, mysticism that can be seen as contrived at times. somehow, though, the mystical elements of the story prod me to think with more understanding. rather than just consuming the words, i am searching for their veracity within my own store of knowledge and experience.

i always come back around to the consuming self-sufficiency of the main characters in these books, and how they are supremely capable, not needing what their more puny supporting cast can give (or can't give, as the case may be). these stars show us the potential in humanity, finite as it may be. it's rather obvious that the author (frank herbert) was a humanist with very strong belief in the evolutionary process. religions evolve, species evolve, human nature evolves. in his weaving together of humanistic presuppositions, he has created a masterpiece, regardless of his reader's perspective.

even with his lofty view of humanity, he isn't able to avoid our failings and vices, or put a damper on the pain that is inevitable when life is created. i want to do a book club and have everyone read the fourth novel (either that or the second; they offer the most fodder for discussion). i haven't read the 5th or 6th books yet, but i'm definitely going in that direction sometime really soon.

2005-08-28T14:56:00.000-04:00

there's a family at the church we're attending that owns (collectively) a house on the "lake" over by the chickamauga dam. they call it lake chickamauga, but it started as a river. and then the tva (tennessee valley authority) came along and said, "we want electricity and more jobs!" and so they built a huge dam that made a big piece of water out of the tennessee river and a bunch of tributaries that the water backed up into and made into bigger rivers. the house is on a "creek" that's about 10 times wider than the chicago river is at its widest point.

so we (amy, joel and i) went over to the house by invitation yesterday, and went on boat rides, and floundered around in the river, and ate grilled pieces of animal flesh, and had a good time with folks our age. it was wonderful, because it's been so long since we've done anything like that. even though amy was tired, she had a good time.

part of her good time was as follows:

we were on the boat. she, i, and another guy were in the front. it's a nice ski boat, and we were pulling one of the guys. he fell, so we dropped speed and turned around to go get him, and as we did that we went across our wake. less than one minute earlier, i had moved to the back of the boat on a whim. as soon as the prow of the boat hit the wake, the two folks sitting up front were drenched. amy actually didn't mind it, but everyone was laughing because i had missed out on the fun and saying that my turn was coming soon.

it was a good time to be with other believers and just enjoy ourselves. that felt really good.

2005-08-28T14:19:00.000-04:00

we made a friend on friday night. his name is joel. we were randomly introduced to him by rachel, who is another recent friend acquisition, by way of susan and brian. rock on! friends are good, especially since amy and i tend to like to hang out with other people sometimes.

2005-08-25T16:29:00.000-04:00

i am lamenting the cubs' season. officially, now. i had hope that they'd make it to the wild card, but being 5 games under .500 this late in the season, with the astros ahead of them not looking like they're losing tons of games, is not a good sign. so i am lamenting.

2005-08-25T10:05:00.000-04:00

have you noticed how our heroes are falling more frequently recently? i've been following the rafael palmeiro steroid scandal, and now it's lance armstrong being accused of doping. even if he's cleared, it's still a blow to his image.

almost seems as though we're not meant to hold people in such high regard.

2005-08-22T18:26:00.000-04:00

looks like i've deserted the blog quite significantly recently. there are two good reasons:

1.) i was exhausted last week, from the tests on monday and from a property/casualty licensing class tuesday through friday.

2.) i would've written on the weekend, but i was busy doing weekend/restful/being-with-amy things and then the screen on my laptop died.

it's a good thing that i have a full size screen at work that i plug into, or no work would happen until the screen got fixed or replaced. as it is, it still needs replacing. it's funny, though, that a screen would die like that, almost at the drop of a hat. it's like a light bulb that got burned out and just quit.

the tests went well, it would seem. at least they were done without any strange happenings in the process, though my mind was befogged with tiredness. the sleep deprivation was meant to tire my brain out in order that the eeg would have a better chance of reading something or other about my brain waves. it was actually kinda fun - staying up until 4 in the morning isn't something i do often, and when i do it's usually without a good excuse - but i felt the effects of it, especially later in the day.

then i had those licensing classes. it's for a producer's license. even though i'm not selling insurance, since i'm dealing with it in a broker-like capacity i'm required to have a property & casualty license. i could go out and sell homeowners, or auto, or business liability if i wanted to with this license. the test is on friday, so i'm going to be studying for it, no doubt.

that's all for now. i'm supposed to go do something (it's a secret).

2005-08-15T03:56:00.000-04:00

still awake . . . i've been reading about this maitreya thing on the 'net all day and it's seriously screwed up. the idea is that maitreya is the 'coming world leader' who will bring about the unification of religions, governments, and economies, etc. he's also 'said' things (through his mediums) about appearing on t.v. sometime and announcing his presence. he's allegedly appeared all over the world to different religious groups; the graph i saw had christians listed as the religion he'd most frequently appeared to, and that's scary. the other religions included buddhism, hinduism, and islam (which was the 2nd most frequently visited group). notice that he's been 'appearing' to the more monotheistic, dogmatic groups most frequently, possibly in order to soften them up and make them more likely to accept that he actually may be the manifestation of Christ or whoever the muslims would conceive of him as being.

all in all, this is scary stuff. reminds me of a conversation i had today . . . it's funny how i've been seeming to have conversations with other folks that remind me of something major that i've been thinking about (in this case, the spirit of the anti-christ).

amy and i went to visit a couple of old ladies who live in our building this afternoon. it was mostly to get out of the apartment for a while, but we had a pleasant time chatting with them. the first person we visited is named sarah.

we'd been talking for a while, and i guess the subject of church attendance came up. she told us that she'd gone to a baptist church around here while her husband was still alive and healthy, but that it was never 'her' church - she went there because it was his church. somehow, she became intrigued with a synagogue nearby, attended classes at it for a year, and ultimately converted to judaism. in her words, 'we're all trying to get to the same place, after all'. she's convinced that religion is just a personal choice and which one you belong to doesn't really affect your soul's destination.

it was very difficult for me to hold my tongue from too harsh a reply, but i did let her know that the Bible doesn't agree that there are many ways to get to God. this is the influence of maitreya and the other 'masters' in this world. according to their acolytes, they are working together to bring about the new age and sarah's deception is just a symptom of their influence. one world, one religion.

here in chattanooga, there are a whole lot of people who go to church. i think that just about everyone at my office attends church somewhere. tons of baptist churches, quite a few presbyterian ones, and church of God types as well. that's all well and good, if indeed the Holy Spirit indwells all those who claim the name 'Christian'. but it's hard to discern whether a person is truly a child of God or not by the way they talk. i'm glad it's not my job to figure it out, you know, but i still can't help but wonder; the attitude that 'we're Christians because of where we were born and what we do on sunday' seems to pervade the entire culture in the south.

we heard a good sermon in church today. [as much as i've written about the emerging church and as much as i wish denominations would fall by the wayside in favor of a truly unified body of Christ, i do attend a church whose doctrine i can say i agree with. i can't let my agenda cloud my discernment when it comes to the teaching i'm subjected to.] the sermon was from john, chapters 14 & 16; the verses selected were the ones dealing with Jesus' promise that His departure was for our benefit because he would send 'another helper' for us.

it was interesting that the pastor drew our attention away from the word 'helper' (or comforter, or however else they translate 'paraclete') and to the word 'another'. another helper . . . meaning that Jesus would still continue to help us. the Spirit is within us, not just around us, and He is the Spirit of Christ! we are indwelt by our God, helped by the God who created the universe; we are taught, disciplined, loved, and pacified by our Savior. by contrast, the world is convicted by his presence. amy and i took time to marvel at that.

much is made of the power that we recieve from the Spirit; much is also made of the gifts He gives us. what we sometimes fail to realize is His constant presence. we'll pray for God to 'be with us at this time' when we get together in church meetings. 'God, we pray that you'll just be in this place tonight'. how ridiculous! He's already there - we are indwelt and that means He's where we are. unfortunately, in our thickheadedness and preoccupation, we sometimes live as though waiting for Him to show Himself to us in another, different way.

maitreya relies on mediums to get his message out to the world. benjamin creme is perhaps who we could call his 'mouthpiece', and has provided promises that this 'world healer' is coming very soon; until then, we have the option of reading, meditating, etc.

Jesus Christ, the one true mediator between God and man, is within us even now.

there could be no starker comparison. one says over and over again that he's about to come, 'full of sound and thunder, signifying nothing (shakespeare)'; the other is the omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient God of the universe who does not need to tell us again and again that He's about to come into the world. He will come when He comes and that day will not be a day of peace and unity, but it will be a day of reckoning for all those who have not put all their faith in His blood sacrifice.

sarah is so blind! she thinks that goodness is attainable! she thinks that keeping the law will get her into heaven, that by rigorous attention to her actions and motives she can present herself before God, spotless and without blemish.

maitreya would have us all believe that we are all gods, and guiltless. in an excerpt from one of his statements through benjamin creme (under the guise that he is the christ), he says this:

"The last time I came, as Jesus, it was written in the Bible that when I appeared again the very elements of nature would be disturbed.

"...After the disasters have peaked there will come a period of calm -the violence and destruction will come to an end. As people gain awareness, their guilt will recede..." (Maitreya's Mission, Volume Two, Benjamin Creme, Share International Foundation, 1993, pp186-187)

it's weird thinking about all this . . . all day, i've been either thinking or reading about the occultish teachings of those who want maitreya to set the world straight. they believe that they are all part of the 'eternal soul' (evidently, satan has deceived them into thinking that he is indeed the angel of light, and that all people have pieces of his soul in themselves, making them all gods). but i am very, very glad that my Savior lives and has done for me what i could in no way do for myself! no matter what any new age god claims to be true, my heart was desperately wicked and now it is whiter than snow.

it's time for bed. forgive the long post and if i rambled, it's because the time is now 3:56 am. 'night.

2005-08-15T01:46:00.000-04:00

i'm awake at 1:37 am. this is not because i want to be, nor is it because i'm doing something fun that's kept me up this late. it's actually because i have an eeg (electro-encephalogram) and an mri (magnetic resonance imaging) test tomorrow and one of the rules is that i'm supposed to only sleep for four hours the night before. i believe that's for the eeg. so, i figured that it would be much easier for me to stay awake until 4 and get up at 8 than it would be for me to stay up until 2 and get up at 6, or something similar. the tests are at 1 and i didn't want to be too dead when the time comes.

i have epilepsy. it's been a couple of years (roughly 14, to be exact) since i've had my brain scanned and its waves recorded, so the doctor i got hooked up with when i moved to chattanooga decided that it would be a good thing for me to have done now that i'm an adult. it's a good thing that i agreed with him before he suggested it, or he would have had to do some serious arm-twisting. i know, i'm not supposed to make things difficult for the guy, but i don't know him and therefore don't trust him yet. just like he doesn't know me and therefore must treat my condition with the worst-case scenario in mind until he gets to know me better and how my body acts before, during and after a seizure. it's only fair, i suppose.

what i really want is for my condition to be cured, but until that happens we'll just have to keep praying and trusting that God knows what's best for me and is doing it as we speak.

2005-08-13T17:29:00.000-04:00

i haven't been able to write for a few days because work was so demanding that i was drained in the evening. thought was difficult to capture and record and i just didn't have the will to force myself to write. that's not what writing should be about, anyways - requirement or forced platitudes just don't fit in the context of genuine curiosity.

emergence was the topic of another conversation today. just so you know, i love when amy and i have time to sit and talk - she's my peer, my soulmate, my sharpening stone, my encourager, my best friend, my love. anyways, we were talking for a while about how emergence seems to have the right idea (love each other, love the world, be the hands and feet of Jesus in our current culture) but holds an element of individualism that, for some, is a temptation to be lone rangers. example: joe is a Christian. joe is disillusioned with corporate churchianity. joe finds out about this emerging church movement thingy, decides that it sounds great. joe doesn't get hooked up with a body of believers because it's ok not to, but rather blogs and has the ideas in his head but the fellowship just isn't there.

i'm not saying that there is any difference in denominational fellowship; there are still many people who do just the same as my example who call themselves methodist or baptist or presbyterian. it's just that i believe that if the Church is to emerge and be as Christ intends her to be, her members should be elementally connected to the others, breaking bread together, spurring one another on to good deeds, etc. if we are to be known by our love and if we are to be as Jesus prayed we would be (unified even as He and the Father are), we need to be with each other!

i wonder how we can strike a balance between the 'we go to church on sunday morning, sunday evening, and wednesday evening because our parents did and everyone else in our town does' mentality and the freedom to meet with fellow believers as we please. there is nothing intrinsically wrong with a prayer meeting, but there is something very wrong about going because it's what you've always done. it becomes a religion rather than a longing for nearness to God and lifting up His name with brothers and sisters.

is my attitude too lackadaisical? am i being vague?

2005-08-13T14:50:00.000-04:00

it's really cool being on the 6th floor of our building because of the inherent 'good view'. of course, the good view is subjective, since there are two sides from which to have a view, and both vastly different. ours is the nature side. the other looks over chattanooga (which, for a city, doesn't look so bad). it's always interesting for me to find out who lives on what side, since there are so many people here who are different from me. i can't imagine preferring the city view over the mountain view, for instance.

this morning (well, it was morning for me - probably around 1pm or so) we saw a storm rolling in over the hills, so we went for a walk. walking in the wind before a storm is really enlivening for me. (it's funny, though . . . when we were in the apartment getting ready to go out, i was so comfortable it took amy's coersion to make me walk out the door. i'm always so glad when we're out that the coersive part of it doesn't bother me at all.) we had intended that we be walking when the rain started to come down hard, but we were back on top of the hill by the time it started to even come down at all, so we went inside and watched it come and go from the balcony.

dearly beloved

2005-08-09T18:29:00.000-04:00

i love chicago. i love the skyline, the way the light from the sunset is refracted through the smog to produce the most rich colors i've seen in any city's sunset, and the way most people drive with a purpose rather than just drifting along. i love my friends, the ones i grew up with and the ones that stayed there after college. i love my family and all the places that have the scent of tradition attached to them from my childhood.

coming back to chattanooga, the new home of my wife and i, was a downer. i do like chattanooga, but there is so much missing from my experience with it. but, it does hold a job for me, and it does have many nice things going for it. one of them (probably the nicest thing) is that amy loves it here. i can't imagine any other city that would stir such a sentiment from her except for perhaps cincinnati. but even cincy doesn't stand up to her impression of chatt, and i love it when she's happy. thus, chattanooga holds something very special for me.

it is a nice place, no doubt. there are neat neighborhoods, good food that's not too expensive, and a renewed downdown area that's straight fun to walk around in. i hope that memories and traditions start attaching themselves to this place so that it has more for me than just a place to be.

i'm always going to be drawn back to chicago, and call it my hometown, etc. in the short time that i was able to spend with my good friends, i had more fun than i've had with any of the other friends i've made in all the places i've lived but washington, and that was because i had good friends there already. i'm just going to have to make enough money to afford trips to visit my past frequently enough that it doesn't fade into distant memory. i want vivid recollection of my brothers and sisters, i want to be an uncle, i want to be a son, i want to be a friend who is present. God, i hope i don't fade into their distant memory!

criticalism

2005-08-08T18:25:00.000-04:00

recently i've read several things that give me the impression that people don't like to be challenged. first of all, let me just say that i do have to deal with my own defensive reactions to statements i perceive as being challenges (to which my wife will attest), even if they're not posed with a critical spirit; i'm not intimating that i myself am above the fray. what i wish for in my own communication with people is complete clarity, so that i don't have to deal with being seen as defensive, thereby jeopardizing the reception of any effectual argument i may make. there are many things that are worse than admitting that you're right and i'm wrong.

that said, i've seen a bunch of seemingly ill-conceived conversation arising from (and having to do with) speculation concerning rick warren.

one source (source A) was interviewed, and began with a defense of warren against the accusations that (a) he was mentored by the very new-agey robert schuller, (b) he agreed with some new-agey sounding statements made by bruce wilkinson as a guest speaker at saddleback, and (c) assorted other complaints about things he has done/said/advocated. another source (source B) responded to that with an indictment of source A's Christianity and made it very clear that source A must not be living a right Christian life if he was able to say some of the things he said in his interview. source A replied, and the basic overview of the argument is that they don't agree with each other at all.

this post has nothing to do with the topic of their argument. rather, it has everything to do with a basic flaw in our nature that i've noticed. we don't like it when people don't agree with us. whether the conversation be between the views of emergent/anti-emergent (which could also be stated as 'evangelical/anti-evangelical') or immersion/sprinkling baptism, etc., there is often more venom than necessary injected into our statements. i know that this seems to be a very broad and presumptuous claim, because i'm not giving specific examples or names or quotes (and i refuse to), but i would simply boil it down to this: as Christians, we must love each other, and we must tell the truth to one another; we are just not conversing in a way that combines the two.

i've been married for six weeks or so. there haven't been many times when i've had to bite my tongue lest i say something i really shouldn't say, but there is one characteristic that is common to many of those times; it is when she analyzes my family that i am most defensive in my reactions. i see a similar pattern in many of the foolishly pursued conversations that i've read. it is in defense of a brother or of a pet theology that people are prone to the mistake of territorialistic reply. it's no surprise, really.

when i began thinking of unity this evening, i wasn't able to conceive of brothers and sisters in Christ approaching each other face to face with friendship as long as there is defensiveness in their conversation. unity is much bigger than whether or not rick warren is a new age guru, or whether or not my brother acts the way my wife wants him to. it requires that we all subject our desires to the desires of Christ, and if we are to be attacked, let it be by unbelievers whose consciences are pricked as they witness our love for one another and our neighbors! small as my voice is at this time, i wish that more believers would let their guard down and allow free conversation to take place, with correction as a welcome part of our everyday lives rather than as a signal that someone else is out to get us.

as happens so often, i'm talking about a need, the fulfillment of which is probably a prerequisite of unity. it's a need that i can't fill myself (and it's a good thing, because it's way out of my league) but i do know that the Spirit who resides within us is able and willing to reconcile brother with brother.

fly united

2005-08-05T02:14:00.000-04:00

amy and i are going to two weddings in or near chicago this weekend . . . it's really cool, because i didn't expect to make it to one of them (the one tonight). granted, we're only getting there in time for the reception, but i just found that out this morning and i'm stoked!

the other one's tomorrow afternoon, in hobart, indiana. that one has a neat story too; i was only going to be able to go alone, because we couldn't afford to pay for amy's ticket. i was talking to the owner of a company that my company does a lot of business with, and i must have looked depressed or something, so he asked me what the matter was. i told him, and he hit me over the head with an "i'll pay for your tickets"! i was shocked and amazed and praised God over and over again.

so amy and i are going to two weddings as newlyweds ourselves. it's always fun to say, "this is my wife" to people. i'm so proud of her. it's our first time flying as a married couple, too.

i'll be back monday . . . i won't have an internet connection until then, or late sunday. gracia y pas a todos.

spiritual or selfish?

2005-08-04T12:20:00.000-04:00

i ran across a weblog the other day (http://www.bluedogbob.com/) on which the author purports to post conversations with Jesus and Buddha. he claims to have met a being while in meditation, a being called Maitreya. this is what one website has to say about him:

"Many now expect the return of their awaited Teacher, whether they call him the Christ, Messiah, the fifth Buddha, Krishna, or the Imam Mahdi. Millions now know that the Teacher who fulfills all these expectations is already living among us.

"Maitreya, the World Teacher, has not come alone, but with a group of wise Teachers who have long guided humanity from behind the scenes.

"They are returning to the everyday world to help us solve our most critical global problems. Maitreya is not a religious leader, but an educator in the broadest sense.

"He is here to inspire us to create a new era based on sharing and justice, so that all may have the basic necessities of life: food, shelter, health care, and education.

"His open mission in the world is about to begin. As Maitreya himself has said: 'Soon, now very soon, you will see my face and hear my words.'" (http://www.shareintl.org/ )

the author of the weblog has his jesus telling him that he's just one of many "masters" serving humanity at this time. it's interesting that i read such a thing right now as i'm just beginning to think in terms of ecumenism within the church.

it's a good reminder to not get too interested in unity, at least not to the point of sacrificing essentials of the faith and doctrine. as the jesus this author has transcribed for the enlightenment of the world says:

"Have you never the noticed the many similarities found in all the world's religions and customs? Throughout the centuries, humanity has received the transfer of knowledge from the spirit world. This has been in many forms including human incarnations of master teachers, appearance of masters in visible spirit forms, demonstrations for non-believers of feats beyond human ability and inspiration channeled directly to humans in all fields of earthly creation."

in the words of Paul, "As we said before, so say I now again; if any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed. (Gal. 1:9, KJV)" if this be the case - if it is true that the gospel of Christ requires that it be the only Gospel - then the jesus of the author's dreams is false. in Jesus' own words, He is "the Way, the Truth, and the Life" and "no man comes to the father but by" Him (John 14:6).

what i need now is to take care that i don't forget the call to spiritual monogamy when seeking the unity of the body. i love the idea that there are people across the world (the emerging church movement) who have a heart for the lost and are trying to find ways to reach them better as the church, rather than just as individuals, but i shudder when i consider the words of one of their most prominent leaders (brian mclaren) when he defines the god in whom he believes on page 76 of his book A Generous Orthodoxy as GOD B:

"a unified, eternal, mysterious, relational community/family/society/entity of saving Love [Who created] a universe of interdependence, relationship, possibility, responsibility, becoming, novelty, mutuality [and] freedom."

this god is contrasted with GOD A:

"a single, solitary, dominant Power, Mind, or Will [who created] a universe of dominance, control, limitation, submission, uniformity [and] coercion."

i found a great response to those definitions in another blog at http://oraculo.blog.com/blog/timbosplace/260240/:

"Note that McLaren does not say which forms of Christianity reflect belief in God A. Without backing this statement up with examples, these words are 'full of sound and fury, signifying nothing' (Shakespeare). Moreover, McLaren's description of 'God B' as the God of 'a Christian who believes in Jesus as the Son of God' suggests that THE Christian God is not 'a single, solitary, dominant Power, Mind, or Will' (contra Deuteronomy 6:4, Isaiah 44:6-28, etc.), but merely the God he describes in 'God B'—'unified, eternal, mysterious' etc. Of course, the real Christian God—that is, the God of the Bible—is all of these things and more. That McLaren has set up a false antithesis between 'God A' and 'God B' seems to suggest that he is making God is in own image. That his descriptions of the universes created by these respective gods are contrasted by negative terms—the universe of 'God A' is 'a universe of DOMINANCE, CONTROL, LIMITATION, SUBMISSION, UNIFORMITY [and] COERCION'—and positive terms—the universe of 'God B' is 'a universe of interdependence, relationship, possibility, responsibility, becoming, novelty, mutuality [and] freedom' (emphases added)—confirms this indictment.

"Moreover, it is important to note that there is no mention made here of God's justice and holiness. Yet these are essential biblical themes! Isaiah 6:3 should be familiar to everyone: 'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory' (NIV). Of course, upon acknowledging that God is holy, we should become aware of how we pale in comparison (Isaiah 6:5, NIV):

'Woe to me!' I cried. "I am ruined!' For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.'

"Isaiah does not appear to find himself 'in universe B, getting to know God B.'

"Of course, there is more to Isaiah's story, but at this point it is sufficient to say that McLaren makes no mention of God's holiness as testified to in Isaiah 6:3, nor does he mention the justice in which Isaiah cries 'Woe to me!' and finds himself to be 'ruined' because he is 'unclean' in 6:5."

mclaren also says on page 93 of his book that:

"[P]erhaps it's best to suspend what, if anything, you 'know' about what it means to call Jesus 'Savior' and to give the matter of salvation some fresh attention.

"Let's start simply. In the Bible, save means 'rescue' or 'heal.' It emphatically does not automatically mean 'save from hell' or 'give eternal life after death,' as many preachers seem to imply in sermon after sermon. Rather its meaning varies from passage to passage, but in general, in any context, save means 'get out of trouble.' The trouble could be sickness, war, political intrigue, oppression, poverty, imprisonment, or any kind of danger or evil."

the response to that i found (also on http://oraculo.blog.com/blog/timbosplace/260240/) was:

"What about sin? Although sin could be covered by that final phrase—'any kind of danger or evil'—it is conspicuously absent from McLaren's list of the 'trouble' from which we are rescued. If we turn to Scripture, we find Matthew 1:21 telling us that Jesus is so named because 'he will save his people from their sins' (NIV). In fact, the name Jesus means 'Yahweh saves'—and what people are saved from are 'their sins'! It emphatically does not say that Jesus will save his people from their 'sickness, war, political intrigue, oppression, poverty, imprisonment,' etc., though salvation from these things is an important part of the biblical understanding of salvation (e.g., Exodus, Isaiah)."

also prevalent in mclaren's book are contrasts; he contrasts his missional christianity with liberal and conservative forms of Christianity, and sets up very unfavorable straw men for each of the opposing two forms. throughout the book, he paints almost all theological viewpoints but his own into corners, and his "generous orthodoxy" ends up as anything but generous (from the point of view of a man whose approach to orthodoxy his book has deemed "ungenerous").

all of this is good for me to know as i seek to understand more about what the emerging church really is, where it is, and what it's doing. i really do want to know how the body of Christ may be better served, both within and without the walls of her sanctuaries. i know that i can afford to be taught something about loving people better. however, there is a thin line between loving someone better and becoming like them, as mclaren illustrates for me on page 109.

"[Missional Christianity] gets us beyond the us-them thinking and in-grouping and out-grouping that lead to prejudice, exclusion, and ultimately to religious wars. It opens up a third alternative beyond exclusive and universalist religion."

if there is no "us and them", how can we be expected to bring good news of healing and restoration? if there is nothing to be restored to, how can it be attractive? if there is no in-grouping and out-grouping, how can the Church be a city on a hill? isn't mclaren putting a bushel over a large portion of the light we have? there are Christians, and there are non-believers. it's that simple, really. yes, there should be an absence of "us-them" thinking within the body itself, but never should the "us" be extended to include those who have never partaken of the gift of Salvation!

just to make sure that i'm not perceived as being completely against the emerging church movement, i really do appreciate that young people who love God are trying to be the Church rather than going to Church. i want zeal for being Christ's witness for myself as well, but i still have to guard the Gospel once given to the Saints.

that's all the post i've got in me right now, but more later as i have time. this one was started a long time ago and has been in draft form for days. peace.

for the first time ever . . .

2005-08-03T18:19:00.000-04:00

i've decided that action is better than good intentions and it seems that i'll actually be able to pay attention to this blog enough so that it's updated a few times a day! there's a big difference between having a blog and blogging, as i've learned in the past couple of months, with my three failed attempts coming to mind as i type. at least this one has a point to it - i'm not just typing random thoughts down, but i'm going to try to use it to exercise my brain. we'll see!

success! at least to a degree . . .

2005-07-22T18:30:00.000-04:00

so last time i wrote i was planning to start up a theological/ecclesiastical blog. well, it seems that i have, and it's even better than i first thought it would be, at least in theory. the theory is that i'll be the administrator and a bunch of friends will be authors, and that every week (or even twice a week) we'll have a new article or essay posted for everyone to read and think about and comment on. and then the comments will be commented on and the secondary comments will start spin-off discussions, etc. and we'll all be spiritually and corporately enriched as a result of the dialogue between all the different people with their different viewpoints.

i only wish it were that easy to start up a perfect idea. since tuesday, i've invited about 22 or so of my friends and people i know of to be authors on http://www.churchblog.com/ (aka www.ekklesia.typepad.com/ekklesia). while i didn't expect that everyone would be jumping at the idea, only 5 authors are signed up, including me. the others are aaron gould, mike uhler, liz klassen, and brian petersen. that, in itself, is exciting, but i'm really, really hoping that others will do it and that we'll actually be able to have good conversation using this electronic medium. i'm thinking of making the first essay my previous post on this blog, just to spark conversation (not to mention make people think i'm a heretic for even thinking about the emerging church). sounds like a good idea to me, because this is a forum for thought, not pre-arrived at conclusions based on years and years of certainty about all the passages in the Bible.

so there.

people

2005-07-18T21:33:00.000-04:00

amy and i went to cincy this weekend . . . aralyn's 1st birthday was on thursday so they had her party on sunday, which was nice. we were also able to show off amy's ring, and to pick up our wedding pictures (finally!!!), and they are absolutely perfect.

i found out that people exhaust me. i never thought they did, but being with constantly talking humans for 2 full days and driving 6 hours each way just made me wish monday would come so i could rest. that's weird, wishing that the work week would come sooner, right? now i understand why my dad would always go find a couch or chair and just sit there every time the family got together for a holiday. he'd make people come to him for conversation, and that minimized his exhaustion.

introverts are like that, and i guess i'm getting more introverted as i get older. first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a low tolerance for active socialization.

another topic altogether: i'm thinking of starting a(nother) theologically oriented blog. not as if there aren't enough of them out there, but i have a few friends who like writing thoughtful essay-type things about the interpretation of this or that word, the meaning of the Christian life, etc.

i was looking around on google today after running into the term "emerging church" in my friend's e-mail. it was the first time i'd heard of either the term or the movement. it looks interesting to me, simply because i've been moving in the direction of "heart worship" as opposed to "head worship" and that is one way of describing a goal of the emerging church movement. i refuse to let theology (or the quest for knowledge) die in my walk with God, but i want to see Him in others more, and in the things that i cannot understand as well. i want to agree with other believers, not simply on theological grounds but on the experiential plane as well; we all have one thing in common, and that is the Holy Spirit. if we are indeed seeking to know the Lord Jesus Christ better, it cannot be a bad thing to call one another "brother" across denominational lines and in spite of doctrinal differences.

the problem with this inclusive approach is that there is the danger (for some) of a weakening of the fabric of absolute truth. example: Christ died, was buried, and is risen again, seated at the right hand of God. yes, we believe that. do we also believe that it makes no difference if we believe in (a)the One Mediator between God and man, Christ Jesus or (b)the Mediator and the Mediatrix, Mary? i may call a Catholic Christian "brother" but i cannot stand idly by while he accepts a doctrine of demons!

i may be characterizing the emerging church movement as simply an ecumenical one, and i admit that i have a very limited viewpoint of it at this point. i do wish to know more, but i also reserve my support because i have seen how dangerous it is to espouse doctrinal relativism and am not entirely convinced that the ec movement (as a whole) believes in absolutes.

my prayer is that denominations would collapse, that Christians would seek their Lord, that brothers would love one another and that truth would be the quest of the universal church. until that happens, we all have a very straightforward duty: love one another - and our neighbors as ourselves - as we take the living gospel to all men.